Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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