i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
tell me about the fingering
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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