Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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