I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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