i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
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Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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