Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
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i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
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So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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