You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
