Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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