I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
