To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
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I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize