I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
