I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
