I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
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Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ladies don't puke and tell
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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