margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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