Soap is not a condiment
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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