i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
