Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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