So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
