I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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