Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
