I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
