The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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