you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
