Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize