i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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