I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
