Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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