I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
