But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You don't make any sense
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