im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
