OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
