Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
