I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
