Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize