mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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