He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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