White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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