yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
