The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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