So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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