My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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