also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
