He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
