she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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