look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize