At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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