I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
