just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
