Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you never un-have a 4some
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
