you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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