Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she told me i tasted like america
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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