Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
