actually, I'm a sock model
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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