i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
