good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
