oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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