I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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