im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
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I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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