I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
